Golfers, Please Learn Your F-ing Manners

I've never been a mean guy.... Oh wait, yes I have. Anyway, I was out trying to find carp on one of my favorite golf courses the other day, and the fishing looked crap. No fish to be seen, the Sun was hot, and the water was muddy. All I ad caught so far were about a dozen bass from the 3-10 inch range. Very fun, but not quite what I was looking for. I looked out into the center of the lake and watched for any movement. Not much. But then suddenly, a head appeared. A grass carp head. No wait, that was a Common! Light color and odd shape were the only things that made me think it was a Grassy. O yeah, and the fact that I'd never seen a 45 pound Common here before. I shit you not, 45 pounds. I laid fifty casts to him from a far bank, with no success. I had to move closer. I went to the forbidden part of the course, and started laying casts. My first cast was right on the money, around 6 feet in front of him. I started slow stripping, and he started moving towards my fly. Right as the fish was right in front of my fly, someone behind me said, "Don't make me tell you to get off the course again!" That made me jump, make a huge strip, and spook the fish over to the other side of the state. As it turns out, it was the same golf course staff member who told me to get off the course last time. As I told him some bull story of how I forgot, I walked toward the stupid far bank again. I muttered, "Hey, don't make me tell you to go fuck yourself again..."  "What?" the guy asked? "Oh, nuthin," I responded. As it turned out though, the far bank wasn't so shitty after all, and the fish Gods had mercy. No, not the giant carp. Just this...

We Need To Talk....

You ever had someone tell you that? Your first thought is definitely bad (right?) Well, we need to have a talk...

I have worms.

Do you want worms? Yes, I have hundreds of worms that I tied up this Winter that can't go to use now because the Creek is so high. So would you have any interest in getting worms? Each person is allowed a dozen worms, completely free of charge. All I ask is that in return you send me a picture of one of the worms in a fish. Don't ever catch fish? Well, stick them in something else and send me the shots. I'll start a page of all the people I've spread my worms to, along with their Blog Address. So, want worms? Email me ;)

fishonthefly97@gmail.com

Oh No..... The Worms

Did Ya Miss Me?

What's wrong with you? A week ago, I said that if you didn't hear from me to call the Police. How long has it been? No, I didn't drown. I've been feeshing. And untying knots. And un-hooking Sunfish. If I see one more stupid Blue Gill, I'm going to strangle someone. Yes, it's the Beginner Camps again.

Don't get me wrong. I love Camp. I just don't like tangles and small, sharp fish. Monday was Pella. We caught a Sunfish. Wait, no. 300 Sunfish. And how many tangles there were couldn't be counted. We managed to pick up a few Bass, courtesy of the Meat Whistle. At the end of the day, I was sunburned, tired, my feet hurt, and I was happy. Until I heard we were going back to Pella the next day.

Day two was about the same, except a little slower. Many Blue Gill Were Caught, many tangles were created, and few big fish were found. I did manage to pick up one cool fish though, a Smallmouth around 14 inches. Sorry, jumped out of my hands before I took the photo op.

Day four was a little different. It is a well known secret spot, but I'm not going to mention where. I'm sure a couple of you will recognize it.

The Makeshift Grand Slam

The Grand Slam. Brook, Brown, Cutthroat, Rainbow. But what happens when the Grand Slam changes? When you're trying to pull the Slam in warm water? When you're spending half the time helping someone who's never fly fished before? And when all the fish in the entire lake are giving you the infamous middle fin? Well than, here is your Grand Slam:    Bass, Blue Gill, And One other fish that's willing to bite.

We got out to Pella Crossing around 9:30. The heat was already rising, and the Smallmouths were being lazy. They wouldn't eat any flies we threw at them, and spooked at any movement. After a few minutes sight casting to the little bastards, we moved onto Largemouth. Any fish you could see wouldn't be willing to bite, but casting out into the deeper sections wielded a few fish. Obviously, the Blue gill would attack everything, and a few managed to actually hook themselves.

We kept fishing the bass, and even managed to get the kid who's never fished before onto a decent fish. Our shuttle (Mom's car) was arriving around 1:30, and when I looked at my clock it was 1:15. We started making our way back toward the car, and arrived at the parking lot by 1:20. Right as we were about to sit down and wait for the car, I spotted a dark shape. Closer look showed that it was a catfish, feeding around a rock. I'm sure it was pure luck, but my first cast landed right in his hole. Fish on! And that my friends, is the makeshift Grand Slam.

Fishing Food

Fishing for a few hours only requires your usual gear, and maybe some water. The load doesn't get heavy, and not much planning goes into the trip. But what about those days where you spend ten hours on the water? You have to bring food, water, and all your gear. So what do you bring to eat? Here's my top five choices:

5-  Chips. Chips work well for fishing trips because they can't go bad. Keeping a bag of chips on you also allows for snacking without getting off the water. Since chips aren't the most healthy, they take place number five on my list.

4-  Apple. No, your IPod does not make a good snack. A good old apple is small enough to carry with you, strong enough that it won't break and bruise, and filling enough to hold you over for awhile. Just make sure you wash the apple before you go. I will laugh at you if you get E-Coli from a tainted apple.

3-  Energy Bar. An energy bar does not include a Snickers Bar, dammit! Power Bars, Cliff Bars, and all the others are a good choice because they won't go bad, won't break, and are small and light enough to keep in your pocket. Most of them taste good, and at least some of them do their job of giving you energy. Like the poster said, "I Want You.... to eat an energy bar."

2-  Jerky. Turkey Jerky, Beef Jerky, Elk Jerky, and all the rest. These little snacks are easy to carry, delicious, and sometimes even provide a healthy choice. Not the kind from the gas station, but the good stuff. You can get it from a hut in Lyons.

1-  Chicken Tender Sandwich. Oh my god. I found one of these at a Safeway the other day on a way to a fishing trip. Not expecting it to be much, I bought it just for a last resort. I broke it out at lunch and took a bite. Oh my god.

Feel free to add your own!

MY NEW BOAT (FOR REAL THIS TIME)

Well, my family has made a decision. The choice was either spending another $250 on building another duct tape yak, or spending the same $250 on buying a real kayak. So we decided to get the real one. My plan is to order a Spitfire kayak, and then use the extra PVC to spiff(?) it up for my fishing adventures. I can move faster in a kayak, get some better angles on fish, and not worry about snapping turtles biting off my toes in the belly boat. Just kidding! But still, it will be nice to have a kayak. My question to all of you is: What additions should I make to the kayak? Rod holders? Foam Fly Patch? Cover the whole thing in duct tape... wait, sorry. So what should I add? Give me some ideas!

The Kayak Before My Additions

Sky's First Carp

"I guarantee you catch a carp." And with that, we were off. My friend had never caught a carp before. But today that would change. On the way into my hotspot, my friend spooked 11 carp. "You've got to be quiet," I said. He casted to a few fish feeding on the surface, but having not casted a fly rod for 9 months, the casts were just a little off. So the next fish I saw, I put a cast to. Strip, strip, rest. Set! Fish on. Then being the perfect, generous, awful.. wait no. Anyway, I handed him the rod. It was a good first fish, around four pounds. We caught a few more nice carp like the one above, and then switched gears. I had been feeling some bass hits earlier in the morning, so I tied on a popper and started throwing. We caught a few very small bass and a crappie, but nothing big. And that's when it happened. My friend bet me that I couldn't hit the opposite bank. I yanked out tons of line, picked up my rod, and cast. Clack! The fly hit the bank and bounced into the water. Almost immediately, my fly got picked up by something of size. At first I thought my fly had hit a carp in the dorsal. But no! It was a big bass, kicking around and throwing his head. I battled the the fish for a little while, put him in the net, and had my friend take a picture. Sweet! We decided to call it a day after that, and go home to set off some SERIOUS fireworks. Happy 4th!

Breaking News! Titanic 2 Sinks!

To sink, or not to sink, that is the question. Well yesterday morning, that question was answered. Did the hull of my kayak pop a hole? No. Did the PVC snap in half? No. Does the kayak sit too low in the water and all slight movement causes it to sink? N... wait, yes. Don't get me wrong, the boat floated great! For the first ten minutes, I sat right at the center of the raft, keeping it balanced. It was actually working quite well, and I thought it might actually work. Look, it really does float!

But you see how the back of the kayak is slowly taking on water? Well, after ten minutes of kicking around, I got comfortable. I went out deeper. And then I sat back. And that's when disaster struck. I think the moment is pictured perfectly when everything started going wrong:

Yes, it's true. I sunk. Right on down I went. Luckily, my grandma came to the rescue. Swimming out into the cold Lily lake in her nice clothes, grabbing my Yak, and dragging us both out of the water. Thanks! 

      After that adventure, I decided it was time to get fishing. It was much calmer these past few days, and fish seemed to be very active. I could pick out fish, put in my cast, and watch for the hook-set. Erin's Lily Buggers came through once again! Thanks, Erin!

IT"S DONE, TROUTRAGEOUS!

It's done! Where's the legal disclaimer? The kayak is done, and it looks hot! We managed to set up the entire frame, cover the frame in trash bags, and cover the trash bags in tape. Even better, from the looks of it it looks waterproof! Remember. I'll be heading up to Estes Park tomorrow, and I'll test it out up there. Who knows, maybe I'll catch a fish in it? Until then though, here is the finished product!

The Frame

The Frame on My New Boat is almost done! All I have to do is put up side-walls, attach them to the two pieces that are already on, and work them together. Sadly, this all requires one thing. A welding torch! So if there isn't any post tonight (there will be), please please please call the police. Or the fire department. Whatever.

Basically The Only Thing Holding Me From Watery Doom, Thanks Again Troutrageous